LoveJoy & 奇諾小丘

Only two more weeks

I dont really like this feeling

Two days ago, when the friday was over, I put that on the facebook.

I was really sad, I am just not ready for any new life, new friends, or the life without my family around.

The fear comes from nowhere, sometimes I  really want to stop, stop right at that second and just, just stay at that second, doing nothing.

If someone asks me what you are afraid of the most right this moment, I'd say "the changing of time"

Technically saying, you cant really do anything with time, well, yes you can, you can organize your time, you can be on time, or you can just simply waste your time.....However, can you go back, or can you reverse something in terms of time?

Everytime when it's time to say goodbye, I always blame how cruel time always acts in our lives. 

Since elementary school, basically the first memory you probably would have for saying goodbye and going to the next stage or your life. Then junior high, senior high, college....life is filled with saying hello and goodbye.

I still remember when I knew that I was coming to the United States, when my parents told me and confirmed me that we were really leaving Taiwan and going to the United States, I started to feel really sad leaving all my friends in Taiwan.

Every chance my high school friends got me onto the stage, I cried saying goodbyes, I made cookies for each person, and even made bookmark for each person in my class. I wroted different things on each person's bookmark, just hoping that they will never forget me.

However, time and distance are somehow stronger than the half year all people spent together, probably because the friendship was not built solid enough, or just becaus all the new lives or all the new relationships supresses those old ones. I hate it, but with time going by fast, I am more used to that. All I can blame is the time and the distance, what else can I blame?

However, I still remember the third place for the basketball game we played together, all the great time we made fun of our teachers. For me, that was another family.

When I just got here, the one and half years in high school was somehow a nightmare, boring and meaningfulless...I didnt get to practice my English, I didnt get to adjust to the life here, by that time, I just wanted to go back to Taiwan, I felt coming here was the wrong decision.

I still remember one time when the ESL teacher assigned us one essay topic "the thing you feel the most regretful for", my sister and I both put "coming to the United States"...see how we hate coming here by that time. We just could not get why we came all the way here and left all the good stuffs in Taiwan.

Finally Mt.SAC, my real life in the United States started. It is not saying that I started to get americanized or I decided to give up my root, it's just saying, I felt that I was putting new stuff, new life in my memory treasure box,.... those momories which are worth being looked back to.

I always told my friends, I love Mt.SAC, I got to know so many people, I got to be helped, and people there were all so nice. Whereever I went, there was someone I knew, it made me feel home. 

However, I do feel lucky that I get to have many friends who will go to Berkeley with me...Jackie, Katherine, Yileen, Jack, Kyle, Chase, Andrew,......and so many other people.

However, people are going to different schools, I could not wish more that all people can all go to the same school and spend another two or three years together.

It recalls one time I talked to Kenneth

"Besides, I feel sad everytime I hang out with you guys,...it only reminded me that the seperating time is closer."

"That's true, It's  really sad, I am going to miss you guys" Kenneth said

The feeling of sadness always came to stop us from saying anything more.

"Say something interesting" He broke that silence.

"I am going to miss you guys, too" I replied without really noticing what I typed

"I asked you to say something interesting, not something that will make me feel sad.....I am telling you, I will go visit you, Jackie, Katherine, and other people" It's called real friendship for me,...when Kenneth said that

I really wanted to cry.

Frienship can be that easy, but it is someimes really hard to define a friendship.

For me, making real friends in the United States is mission impossilbe...you get to know people, you get to talk to them, but most of time, you dont enter their circles of friendship. People here are more self-centered...they are really nice most of the time, but their nice are not for a fiend, but simply for a person who probably will only be in their lives for such a short time. 

Again, I cant blame anything..

sometimes....I really think it's my problem...no matter language barrier, or just some barriers that myself do not really want to cross. 

(I hate my poor English, I hate everytime when I wanted to say something, I did not really how to say it, I hate when other people said something, I did not understand or I did not know how to respond........)

This summer time, in UCI ... was one of the best time I spent before really going to the four years university.

This summer, I didnt really expect to know more people during this short time. However, I got to know so many people, this friendship made me feel sad again when I realized that...... there are only two weeks left.

"two more weeks,then goodbye Joyce,...goodbye Alex" Kevin said it one time when we two were in the car.

(damn..........never never never.....I will never really be part of you guys..........) That's what I felt everytime I felt not involved......

When I mentioned that only two more weeks were left,...I was pretty sad by that time......

Actually, sometimes it's only me who value friendships a lots. I hope that those friendships will never be ended...never never never. However, just too many times....that make me....just...... ... I've given it up hoping that the friendship this time can last forever....it's kind of sad......

One morning when we had the breakfast bagel meeting, we were all talking about what we are going to do after we are done with our research......

Then, they all mentioned that...next year, when all people turn 21, we are all going to Las Vegas together.......

I can not really image what I  will feel when next summer comes, I will probably be thinking that...last year, today ... we were...., last year, today ... we were ... It's already sad for me now......

Anyway

This summer, thanks to all you guys, for giving me such a great time.